Making Matters

It was Monday morning, the house was finally empty and there I was buzzing with creative energy, fingers itching to get started on the many projects I have on the go.

So I cleaned the oven.

Then the floor.

The kitchen is now spotless and I feel better with my house in order, but the process taught me something; until I consciously value my own creativity, it will move further and further down the To Do list until it falls off the bottom.

So from 1st April I am dedicating Wednesdays to creativity.  There will most likely be other times in my week when I’m busy making, but this is my public statement of intent, a clear commitment to myself to place creativity firmly in the centre of my life.

I’m happy spending time working away on my own, but I’ve extended the invitation to friends to come and join me in Making Wednesdays Matter.  They're welcome to come for the day and bring along their creative projects - or just pop in for a coffee,cake and a chat in a creative space.  All I ask is that they donate £2 to Women for Women International, so we can help other women help themselves.  


It was my mother-in-law who encouraged me to do it.  She has friends who have been meeting for years to sew, knit and chat.  Some even asking others for mending projects as an excuse to turn up! 

Now that I am clear about my intention, my mind is starting to prioritise which projects to finish first, what extra materials or preparation work I need before I start.  I find myself starting to look around and ear-mark things for Making Wednesdays.

A friend of mine describes this as the difference between the Intention and the Out-tension.  The Intention is always constant  the Out-tension is the focus and action it takes to stay true to the Intention.

My Intention is to value creativity in myself and others and there is a certain kind of tension needed to manifest this in my life, so the Out-tension is making Wednesdays a creative day, getting my projects organised, inviting others to join me.  

I always imagine the Out-tension like walking a tight rope - at first you need intense focus and concentration but after a while, even though you never lose focus on what you're doing, your confidence grows and your body relaxes into it more.

The deeper I move into my own creative self-expression the more I recognise what a vital foundation stone it is for relationship success.  (See my blog on the 5 Daily Habits for Relationship Success).

Finding an outlet for your own creative self-expression allows you to heal the relationship to a vulnerable part of yourself who, as a child, was possibly shamed or ridiculed for his/her creative effort.  And that vulnerable place is also a doorway to connection with others.   

My creative journey has inspired my husband to start his own, he now makes award-winning Sourdough Bread and is also rediscovering his love of painting.   

Giving yourself permission to enjoy whatever creative project you do without comparison to others or harsh self-criticism is infectious (see my blog on getting the family hooked) - it awakens the playful, creative side in others and then we all get to play together again!

How big is your Brave?

You know when you have a really good idea and then all the doubt and fear come creeping in, eating away at your confidence and courage?  Me too!  I’ve just scared the life out of myself by having a wonderful idea, a huge vision for the future.

So you know what I did?  I downloaded the song ‘Brave’ off iTunes (okay it took some time ‘cos I’d forgotten my password), played it full blast in my kitchen and danced my socks off.  The dog loved it – even my husband was impressed!  Its going to be a PowerBoost song for the times when I feel doubt and fear overtaking me and I’m definitely playing this Saturday at the workshop, cos that’s when I’m going to be working on my new, crazy, amazing, exciting idea.

There are a couple of places left if you want to join in the creative playtime this weekend.


Watch the video, crank up the volume and dance.  I dare you to not laugh and cry at the same time.

As it says in the song, show me how big your Brave is!

Creating Space

Paints, pens, stamps and stickers and stuff!

We had a blast at the Summer Loving workshop last Saturday.  A group of us gathered around a treasure chest of lovely stationery supplies to rediscover the art of play.

Creativity to me meant being good at drawing and painting but art lessons at school had felt like a form of torture. I really tried to make the marks on my paper resemble the bowl of fruit in front of me but it always felt utterly hopeless, especially when I saw how amazing the drawings by the people around me were.

The 'art scars' we pick up in childhood run very deep and do a great deal of damage to our spirit.   They can continue to hinder our ability to express our true nature and certainly undermine our confidence around creativity.  Creativity is actually an essential part of us, a vital expression of our authentic self and closely related to our relationship to passion, joy, power, sexuality and abundance!

Also, making time for creativity and doing something just for you is not only good for your health and well-being - its good for those who live with you! Research by relationship experts Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks found that just one hour of creative self-expression a week is enough to bring vital energy back into a relationship.

Over the last 18 months I have been doing a great deal of personal research into creative self-expression.  I started by learning to up-cycle furniture using Annie Sloan Chalk Paint .  Because the goal was to create a 'shabby chic' look the process was very forgiving, so mistakes were integral to the look!

I honestly feel that having permission to make mistakes let the creative genie out of the lamp.  It allowed me to overcome my fears and now I've thrown the lamp away now so the genie is free to explore.

One of the ways I get to enjoy my creative journey is through sharing.  I love learning new skills but nothing gives me more joy than to then share it with others.  Its like being infected with a really fun bug and giving it to your friends so that you can bunk off school together!  That's why I've developed the Creating Space workshops -  to create more space for play!

What can you do to let your genie out? Come and play!

Summer Loving

Do you long to be more creative but lack the confidence, or don't believe you have the talent?  Then I've got something for you: Creative Journalling.

Come and spend a fun morning discovering a gentle way to explore creativity and self development.  Its an easy way to give yourself permission to open up and learn to play again.  Plus you'll learn some great techniques for handling stress that could help the whole family.

If you have a soft spot for stationery shops, haberdasheries and craft supplies - this workshop will give you a whole new reason to visit those temples of creativity!

No previous artistic experience required, all you need is curiosity and enthusiasm!

Summer Loving: create the best summer ever.
Saturday June 14th, 2014  9.30 - 12.30  £35
Limited places so book early to reserve your place!

Have you found your Inner Stitch?

I hated sewing at school and was always rubbish at it but now I am a complete addict.  I re-learnt last year and haven't stopped since.  This year I have already made 3 quilts, I've got 3 more in production and getting ready for my next technical challenge...pyjamas!

I definitely don't have the skills (yet) to audition for the Great British Sewing Bee but hearing the back stories of this seasons' participants I recognise fellow addicts. Something amazing happens when I sew - a meditative space opens up and I find it soothing, calming and relaxing - even when I have to unpick something several times.

Penny Leonard, founder of the wonderful, beautiful, inspirational  Selvedge Magazine recently quoted a study by New York psychologist, Robert. H Reiner Ph.D whose research has shown that "being engaged in textile related activities creates a significant drop in heart rate, blood pressure and perspiration rate - three key factors in the measure of of stress.  'The imporance of a hobby or creative pursuit cannot be over emphasised' says Dr Riener."

Having done my own personal research over the last year I know first hand how immersing myself in the creative sewing process helps me de-stress.  As I reconnect with my Inner Stitch I feel inspired and relaxed at the same time.

I also find something strangely but deeply moving about the challenge of a new project.  Author and researcher, Dr Brene Brown says that the times when you feel both brave and afraid at the same time is when you're most alive.  Strange as it may seem, that is exactly how I feel when I start a new sewing project - its a place where my vulnerability around my skills and my courage to try something new come together.  I sit in those feelings for a moment and then jump in!

Plus there's another added perk to all of this - haberdashery!

All you Inner Stitchers - you know what I'm talking about!

If you need  to refresh your sewing skills there are many wonderful courses available, enquire at your local haberdashery or look online.  If you'd like help building the confidence and courage to start - contact me and we'll find your Inner Stitch together!

All you Knead is Love

Nigella Lawson seduced my husband.  He used to come home from work exhausted and unwind with a glass of wine and a simple supper when suddenly the raven-haired temptress appeared on telly offering food porn.  Next thing was he'd race back from work, plonk his meal on a tray and dash to slobber over her the food she cooked.

I'd never seen him show much interest in food.  Years of boarding school had taught him to eat what he could when he could but all of a sudden here he was looking at food from a totally different embonpoint of view.

To be honest, I am deeply grateful to her.  Her enticing and croquetish (see what I did there!) ways inspired him to take over the kitchen.  He now does so much cooking that my son-in-law recently asked my daughter if I ever did any (I soon put him straight with my slow roasted shoulder of lamb followed by a pistachio and blood-orange honeycake).

Even my reign as Queen of Curries is over as I've had to concede that my husband's Rick Stein Goan Fish Curry is simply the best curry ever.

And now things have taken yet another turn, one which I'm afraid will prove to be my complete undoing.

He took himself off to the River Cottage for a Baking Course and is now no longer in love with Nigella, oh no, now it's his 'mother' - a funny little bowl of flour and water that magically morphs into his starter culture for bread.  He feeds her and fusses over her to make sure she's happy.  If she's a little bitter then she gets some extra tlc but once she's sweet then it's 'action stations'.  Suddenly the flour is flying, the oven is warming and bowls of dough start rising like balloons around the kitchen.

He has now become a baker and it has changed our lives!  Gorgeous, chewy batches of sour dough bread are starting to populate the kitchen and I have taken to consuming big slices lathered with salty butter and homemade jam.

OMG????  I've spent years eating consciously, avoiding gluten and having an alkaline diet.  Its like I'm addict, all my years of good eating thrown away by one loaf.  I seem to be totally disinterested in vegetables and brown rice now and only want the high that chewy, springy. freshly made sourdough bread and butter can deliver.  I try to convince myself that my enthusiasm is part of helping him develop his craft, but the truth is 'skinny' does not feel as good as his amazing sour dough bread tastes.  I've even taken up running again to help counter the calorie consumption!

But more important than the possible increase in my waistline is my total and utter delight that he has found his passion.  I have never seen him so fired up before and it is wonderful - his happiness makes me happy!  If he is not feeding his 'mother' culture or preparing the dough, he's working out his timings or reading baking books like an eager student.  He has big dreams for bread and we are all waiting with open mouths!

It is really important to do something you love, something that makes your heart sing, something that gives you a reason to spring out of bed.  Doing something YOU love connects you back to your own creativity and allows you to express yourself in your own unique way.  Giving yourself permission to do things that feel true for you is like letting your 'inner child' out to play; you begin to grow in confidence as you learn new skills and suddenly joy, enthusiasm and love begin to flow again.  This is an irresistible quality in us all and something that can inspire others to go out and play too.

What would make your heart sing?

If you'd like to find out, come to our Christmas Presence workshops this December.

Unleashing your free spirit without the queue for the loo.

My kids were seriously impressed when I said I was going to a festival this year.  When I explained it was the Festival of Quilts they fell about laughing.  Looks like I missed the 'cool mum' award again - but I get a prize for making them laugh! 

Maybe its my age, but I'm just not interested in all that mud, madness and humanity of 'real' festivals.  I do, however, see how they offer a wonderful escape and a chance to unleash your free-spirit.  I can see how the set-up provides a chance for wild self-expression and the freedom to explore the endless possibilities of who you are whilst spending three days dancing in a pair of fairy wings and wellies.

It may not seem so wild and 'out-there' but my visit to the Festival of Quilts is a gateway to the world of possibilities, too.  A chance to see creativity and resourcefulness expressed in many different ways, to add to my ever increasing stash of fabrics and give me inspiration for The Dream Apothecary and other avenues of creative self-expression. 

For those of you who may not be doing the festival circuit, or those of you who are and want to harness what can be a life-changing experience and build on it, here are some more comfortable but non-the-less enlightening ways to unleash your free-spirit.

An unexamined life is not worth living.  Socrates

Keep a Journal

There is a magical process that happens when you begin a reflective practise like keeping a journal.  You learn to hear your inner voices.  Admittedly some of those voices can be harsh and critical and hard to listen to at first but, when you listen carefully, underneath you will begin to hear the quiet voice of your hopes, dreams and creativity.  Allowing it expression through journalling gives it permission to ROAR.

Get the Picture
The deeper, more creative part of your mind thinks in pictures and images so doodling, vision boards, scrapbooks and the online version, Pinterest are all great ways to access it and bring it more into your everyday awareness.  Whether you're trying to redecorate your room, improve your health or change your life, creating a pictorial image of what you want to achieve helps to anchor the message into the unconscious mind.  Its a bit like doing your own google search;  the images stimulate the unconscious mind to search for ways to help you achieve it.

Dream a little Dream (or a big one)
I am a big fan of dreaming and want to wake the world up to it.  It is the most profound and effective of healing resources and offers an ancient and powerful way to transform your life.  Dreaming isn't just what we do when we sleep, it is the hidden oracle of wisdom and guidance that lies dormant within.  When you wake up to the power of your dreams you will discover a whole new level of awareness and creativity - in the blink of an eye!

Its Emotional
For most of us the only training we get around emotions is how to shut them down, deny them and judge them and yet emotions are our life-blood, they are the currency of the soul.  Learning to access them and process them in a healthy, conscious way enhances and enriches your quality of life.  I encourage everyone to get emotional, to develop their emotional intelligence and let their soul sing.  Allow yourself to tune inwards every day and ask yourself 'what am I feeling?'.  Learning to reconnect with your emotional realm can take practise but, remember, f you won't feel the bad stuff you can't access the good stuff!


Ask for Directions 
Don't try and handle things on your own.  If you are lost, stuck or struggling - ask for directions. A good coach or mentor will help you get a fresh perspective on your situation and give you the tools, map and resources you need to reach your destination with ease.


Light up your Life
Unless you are in complete denial of your emotional world, there are people in your life who really bother you.  Why is that?  Because they are showing you aspects of yourself you don't want to see.  We do such a good job of hiding our less attractive self-concepts from the world that they end up hanging out in the shadows of our mind and only way we can see them is when we see them other people's behaviour.  Working with your Shadows by shining the light of awareness onto them is the fast track route to the authentic, amazing qualities that are hidden behind them.

Opportunity Knocks
If you want to live a more meaningful life, give everything meaning.  Every situation is an opportunity for discovery, healing or growth - or all three if you are really courageous - and life becomes much more exciting when you approach it with the question 'what am I being asked to learn here?'
(Hint: the answer is always 'Love'  You know how in those maths exams you had to show you hadn't just guessed the answer by revealing how you worked it out?  When you feel a sense of happy relief and gratitude about a challenging situation, you'll know you've answered the question correctly.  So, if it hurts, it isn't Love.)

.....and remember to Dance, baby, Dance.

Waking up to the power of dreams.

I have a tiny new venture with a very big dream.

Dream Journals

Years ago I came upon an old Native American recipe for a Dream Pillow, a blend of herbs put into a cotton bag and kept on or near your pillow at night.  The aromatic and energetic healing properties of the ingredients are believed to open up the dreaming state.  I really wanted to make one for myself.

In Ancient Greece dream hospitals were considered sacred temples where Priest-Physicians would administer to people seeking dream therapy for physical, psychological or spiritual ailments.  The patients could receive a combination of physical, herbal and spiritual medicine to prepare them for a dream visit from the gentle god of healing, Asklepios.

For 5000 years Chinese medicine has understood the relationship between dreams, illness and wellbeing, and today there are still any indigenous cultures and shamanic traditions working with dreaming as a source of wisdom and healing.

I had worked for years with dreams, not just mine but those of my clients; I know how important they are as a window into the interior world. When our dreams are blocked, our spirit hurts, creating stress and anguish.  Dreaming helps to process complex emotions and to lower stress and anxiety. I wanted to find ways to work more consciously with this deep part of the creative mind, to help access dreams more readily and harness the power of a hidden but vital resource.

Toward the end of last year I finally managed to source the organic, ethically harvested herbs I needed for the blend, I learnt to sew, found some lovely fabric in my favourite shop and set to.

Dream Pillows

The first month with my Dream Pillow I slept deeper than I have ever done before.  It was like I had fallen into a deep hidden space within myself.  Although my dreams weren't amazing, and I wasn't exactly experiencing altered states or time traveling, I did feel a deep level of comfort and welcome from the aroma of the herbs and every night  was like was being tucked into a secret and mysterious state of consciousness.  I became much more aware of the dream space I was falling into.

'Dreaming isn't just what happens during sleep; dreaming is waking up to sources of guidance, healing and creativity beyond the reach of the everyday mind.' Robert Moss

Dreams are a hidden gateway to the soul.  Lack of sleep is a problem, but a lack of dreams - a disaster.  Dreams work on many levels to help us manifest our highest potential - if we know how to connect with them and work with them.  I began to see that the pillows could be a gentle way to help people have easier access to their inner world, to understand the process they are going through and harness the wisdom, creativity and healing resources that are held in the unconscious mind.

Ever the willing guinea pigs,  I made some for my family and they started to report back about deep sleep and interesting dreams.   I then made some for a wider circle of family and friends and when I had my Women's Christmas party the lovely women were each given a Dream Pillow along with bottles of Sleep Mist I had made - a spray of Rosewater and essential oils to 'clear' the room and create a calm space for dreaming.

Sleep Mist

A group of us have since been meeting each month in a Dream Circle, sharing and paying witness to each other's dreams.  Whilst it is hard to quantify the shift, I know for myself that I have started to access not just deeper levels of creativity but also the confidence to explore this part of myself and to give it true expression.

Over the past year many Dream Pillows have gone far and wide into the world.  I see an imaginary world map with lighted candles indicating the places where dreamers are waking up to the power of dreaming.  Some have found them a great aid when travelling - a little bit of home on a plane or in a hotel room.  Children of divorced parents have been given two Dream Pillows - one for each bed - enjoying a comforting aroma of 'home' wherever bedtime is.

Then people started asking if they could buy them for the teenager stressed with exams, as a comfort for the sick grandparent, for a heartbroken friend, to support an exhausted carer, for a child at boarding school,  a loved one who was struggling to cope with life.  Some gave them as gifts to friends so that together they could begin explore the dream world.  So many lovely gifts were sent out to people - a wonderful, aromatic gesture of love and care that moved between the waking and dreaming world.  It felt amazing to be part of this gentle revolution!

I realised this movement could also be part of something even bigger - something that helped other people's dreams come true - and The Dream Apothecary was born.

Along with some lovely friends we're making products and donating a percentage of the proceeds to projects that help support women and children around the world.   I love the idea that each time someone lays their head down to sleep next to a Dream Pillow they become part of a great Dream Weave and are helping to make many more dreams to come true.


Like I said, its a tiny little venture with a very big dream.

May you, too, have Sweet Dreams.


Dream Product photos by Will Millar

Light up your Life with a Creative Spark

You know something has happened when you wake up at 3.30am and instead of feeling exhausted or filled with dread and anxiety, you feel inspired and want to get up and be creative.

That's what happened to me the other night.

I had spent the previous day having the time of my life learning to use a chalk paint my daughter had told me about.  Annie Sloan paint comes with a health warning - it is seriously addictive. You can use it on anything and in so many different ways, you suddenly see the world differently....and want to cover it all with paint!  My mind was buzzing after the course and when I woke up in the early hours I felt so inspired I just padded downstairs and started painting a battered old tea tray!

Before

 Since last week I have not stopped.  I cleared part of the garage that was a dumping ground for the kids' rubbish stuff, got myself some plastic sheeting and set to.  At one point I had 5 different pieces on the go as I wanted to continue painting whilst something was drying.  It is so much fun and, rather like the sewing course I did earlier this year, it has filled me with inspiration (not to mention revamped some tired old pieces of furniture!)

The neurons that fire, wire.

Research on the brain has shown that learning new skills fires up new brain cells (neurons) which then start to build new neural pathways.  Our brain will continue to grow and evolve if we keep it stimulated - and the same is true for us and our relationships.

During

Creative energy is your Life Force, its the thing that makes you uniquely you and is one of the 5 vital ingredients for happy relationships.  When you find an outlet for self-expression it floods the brain with good feelings - and you bring that energy back into your relationships.

If you feel stuck, stifled or just pain bored - give yourself a treat and try something new just for the fun of it.  Not only will the change of habit shake things up a bit, your brain cells will wake up and start firing new feel good messages.  Life starts to look very different, your sparkle and enthusiasm becomes infectious - inspiring others to go out and rediscover their hidden talents.

I did my course at Ivory and Pitch in Hampshire - they were lovely and there was a delicious lunch too!  There are many courses around the country - go on, try it!  I'd love to know how you get on.

After!

It's not Rock Science!

 The problem with feeling stuck is that the more you resist it, the more stuck you feel.  And if feeling stuck isn't bad enough,  the constant nagging inner voice becomes increasingly critical, judgmental, negative and loud.  Just when you need help and support to make clear choices, your inner world becomes a highly stressed noisy environment where corrosive words eat away at your confidence and undermine your ability to move forward.  Without awareness of what is going on, you can be stuck in this pattern for years.

When my daughter would get stuck in her Italian lessons her teacher would say, in a gentle Italian accent,  'Don't worry, it's not Rock Science'.  It always made my daughter smile and the immediate change of mood helped her to see things more clearly.

Even though it can seem a little slow at times, Nature is always busy making plans for the next season, regardless.  Like Nature, we need to understand that there is always a next phase, and feeling stuck in your life or relationship is a sign that you're fighting the process of change.  We just need to learn how to recognize when we need to change and to not be afraid of it - and make sure we've got the resources to handle it.

It's a valuable life skill to understand the process of change and be able to read the signs and signals in both our inner and outer worlds; we become more resilient and emotionally centred and are able to make wiser, more considered choices.

It's not Rock Science: you are both the problem and the solution!

4 steps to a change of mind.

Create a morning practice.  Whether it is a walk in nature, writing a journal, meditation or gentle breathing exercises, check in with yourself and set your intention for the day. You need a quiet space within to hear the wisdom of your inner voice.

Identify what you need to learn.  What skill do you feel is missing, what do you think you need?  Perhaps you want to communicate better, to learn to forgive or to assert yourself.  Maybe there's a skill you want to learn or a course you need to take - get clear about what it is you really need to help you move forward.

Take Action.   Make it easy, take baby steps, but do it.  Develop your skill and work on it.  Daily.

Commit to growth and transformation.  You are going to change anyway, why not engage in the process actively and with enthusiasm! You'll be amazed what you'll discover when you include yourself in the dance of life!

Try these four steps to develop the skills for being the leader of your life, rather than have life lead you.

My year of slaying demons

Just before Christmas I dragged an old sewing machine from the back of a cupboard and persuaded a friend to show me how to use it.  Its a beautiful, manual Singer, made in 1924.  It came to me via a charity shop and still has all the original accessories. I'm thrilled to say that with a little dusting down and a bit of oil, she still works like a dream.

It wasn't that long ago that a sewing machine was a vital, labour saving piece of equipment for every household and I wonder what stories of family life the old girl could tell;  the clothes and curtains she'd made, the repairs done to sheets and trousers. Imagine the hours of love and industry a dedicated mother had put in to taking care of her family with this trusty servant.

Slay the inner demon
But my motivation for learning to sew was nothing to do with wanting to run up a pair of curtains or fashion a new dress for my daughter (although I did repair the tear in son's pjs).   No, my goal was much simpler. I wanted to slay an inner demon!

I hated needlework at school, nothing I made was ever wearable, but Kirstie Allsopp's programmes on craft and upcycling had inspired me to get creative.  I have loads of ideas and projects I want to do, one of which I've been putting off for 10 years!

First  I had to get courageous and face my fears.  I envisaged my creativity as a glorious golden temple shining and magnificent, my entry to it blocked by an old demon who convinced me I did not belong and had banished me from ever entering this wonderful place.  I saw the sewing machine as a snag-toothed dragon determined to impale me, so the first step of my quest was to prove the demon wrong and overcome my fear of the dragon sewing machine.

Creativity is a natural part of us, it is our Life Force and determines how fully we live our life.  Its not just art and crafts, it is an outlet for the expression of our authentic self.  Creative self-expression is a vital ingredient for health and well-being and is also where we feel most vulnerable. My confidence around anything 'crafty' had been knocked many times over the years - even my kids laughed when I said I was going to learn to sew -  but I decided that 2013 would be the year of meeting my fears and slaying them.

Rediscover your sparkle
If we have shut our creativity down, we suffer.  Life becomes drab, routine and predictable.  We lose our sense of wonder, our sparkle, our confidence.

Shame and vulnerability researcher, Dr Brene Brown says 'Unexpressed creativity is not benign'.
Feelings of boredom and frustration are a sign that we have denied ourselves access to our creativity.  Judgment, blame and criticism of self or others should ring alarm bells that unexpressed creative energy has gone rogue.  Learning something new whether its sewing, dancing, Italian, car mechanics or ancient history opens up the mind and doing something that stimulates, inspires and fulfills you is also a great way to bring fresh energy to your relationships.

My enthusiasm for sewing must have been infectious because my husband, watching my growing obsession interest and realising that my new-found skills would probably never extend to taking up his trouser hem, decided he wanted to learn for himself.  We discovered Clothkits, a gorgeous temple to needlecrafts which, alongside selling lovely things haberdashery, also offers sewing courses including one called 'Make Your Mother Proud'.  We decided to do the course together!  A sure sign our relationship had moved to a new level.

The one day course was fantastic.  Run by Fiona Hesford of Sewgirl, 7 women and 1 man were led through a step-by-step process from threading the machine, to making a cushion cover, replacing a zip and making a tote bag (with lining!).  By the end of the day all 8 novices were thrilled and proud of their achievements and keen to learn more ('Make your Mother even prouder').

Aside from the fun I'm having with my sewing projects, I can feel how this new interest has open my mind up and helped me to think differently about lots of things.  But most of all, I have healed a belief that I'd held on to for far too long.  As a friend of mine kindly said: 'I knew you'd be good with your hands, you use them enough when you talk!'

Have you lost your sparkle?  Why not make this the year you conquer your demons and unleash your creativity?  If you're not sure how to start, dig up one of those dreams you've buried from sight and dust it down.   If your answer to each of these questions is yes - its time to get courageous and follow your dream.  Pay attention!

1.  Does it make me feel energised?  
2.  Does the future life that the dream offers align with my core values?
3.  Does it require that I learn and grow?
4.  Do I need help from a higher power?
5.  Is there good in this dream for others?


Don't know how to  get started? We're here to help!  Our coaching programmes are designed to allow you to become the leader of your own great life.  Get in touch and we'll take you through a coaching process to unleash a powerful resource, your creative mind.

The gift of a lifetime.

Here's a Christmas gift for you.  Open it carefully, use it well and it will last forever.

Its what you've always wanted: the confidence to be yourself and to live a life full of love, creativity and connection.

The fastest route to finding yourself is to work on the hidden parts - the flaws you don't want the world to see. We use a lot of energy hiding this stuff from the world, energy that could be converted into something far more productive.

Anyone who pushes your buttons is actually offering you a great gift, you just need to know how to unwrap it.  You may rant about their behaviour but the deeper reason you judge or feel shame about them is because they're showing you a part of yourself you have hidden from the world.

Read the label.
Ask yourself what is the thing that annoys you most about them?  Perhaps you find them patronising or arrogant, maybe disorganised, needy or cold-hearted? Whatever it is that triggers you, narrow it down to one characteristic.

Guess what's inside.
Now focus on that characteristic and spend some time acting out your version of it.  Get to know it, walk around, make the tea, answer the phone in character - get a feel for the mannerisms and behaviour.

Undo the knot.
The reason we can't stand someone's behaviour is because they are a Shadow for us and they trigger deeply held feelings of self-hatred.  This emotion is corrosive and eats away at your courage, your confidence and your creativity. It stops your growth, blocks you from reaching your potential and also prevents you from handling the relationship effectively.

Being curious about your own personal process will unblock the energy and give you a way through. Ask this part of yourself: 'How were you once useful?'  'What job did you do for me in the past?'  'What was your original purpose?'

Take the wrapping off.
The characteristics we try to hide were created in the past.  We used them to help us survive a difficult time, when we felt vulnerable and unsupported. These shadows store unrefined, creative energy that can be put to better use, giving your life new meaning.

By doing this exercise these shadow parts can be turned into the fuel you need to drive your life in its true direction: What does this part of you need now?  How could you best use the quality and energy of this characteristic in your life? What new job could it do for you? What would this part of you rather do now?

For example, the Critic is often trying to protect us from shame and humiliation, its attention to detail and ability to spot flaws are skills that could be used in a more productive way. The Control Freak hates chaos and loves systems and processes, the Dreamer's perspective allows you to think outside the box.

Open up your presence.
A good way to dialogue with this part of yourself is to write to it then allow it to reply using your non-dominant hand. Give yourself some time and space to do this research; light a candle, use coloured pens, play gentle music  Enjoy it, its a lovely way to open up your creativity.

Share your gift.

Everyone's Present!

It takes a bit of practise to use this skill, but learning to re-assign the energy our Shadow figures is a powerful gift.  It unleashes creative flow and builds self-confidence.  It takes the charge out of difficult relationships and you can use it to see even the most stressful encounter as an opportunity to harvest and harness your energy differently.

By the way - the good stuff you see in others,  guess what?  You can only see it because it is also true of you.  Can you receive that gift too?

Don't keep yourself in the dark with your judgments this Christmas, use this exercise to illuminate your world and see that everyone around you is offering you the most amazing gift ever: You, on a really good day.

Have a bountiful Christmas.

Can't get past some big judgments?  Perhaps you need a bit of support to work through this process? Contact kim@relationshiptraining.co.uk or 07789 408378 -  don't stay in the dark, there is always a way through, we want you to SHINE! 

Invoking my Domestic Goddess

A while ago I went on a drawing course at the amazing West Dean College.Whilst I can proudly display one of my best efforts here (its an armchair btw), I was disappointed it didn't unleash a latent artistic talent in me - or even a burning desire to draw much after that - even though I'd bought all the kit (charcoal anyone?)

I often have good artistic ideas, but the problem is most of them end up just looking half-baked.

One Christmas in an attempt to be more homespun and eco-friendly, I spent hours stamping brown paper with gold reindeer, tying the presents with gold string.  I was really enjoying the project, convinced the parcels looked like something out of Good Housekeeping until I had to leave the room to get something.  On my return I saw the parcels with fresh eyes.  Rather than the soft-focus 'Spirit of Christmas' look I had been going for, they just looked like 'brown paper packages tied up with string'.  All my artistic vision had resulted in something resembling an overstocked shelf of Parcelforce.

More Heigh Ho than Ho Ho Ho.

Another time I attempted to make an old fashioned recipe book for a friend.  I won't bore you with the details but she burst out laughing when I handed it to her.

That still hurts.

And this is why I love Kirstie Allsopp.  To me she is like a modern day Goddess; fearless, courageous and determined to unleash the latent creativity in all of us.   In her Vintage Homes programme she summons forth the creative armies of craftsmen and women to assist mere mortals on their journey of creative rediscovery.

Refusing to be defeated by failure and always leading from the front, she inspires and encourages women and men to learn new arts and crafts, to recycle, upcycle and think creatively. Those of us who may feel their creative confidence has taken a battering are feeling inspired to try again.

Creativity and self-expression are vital ingredients in a relationship.  Doing things that inspire you is enlivening and increases your sense of self-worth and well-being.  Whether its arts and crafts, singing, sport, dance, cooking or outdoor pursuits, doing something for yourself that you find fulfilling, fun and satisfying brings new energy to the relationship as you share your new sense of discovery, confidence and inspiration.

I've got a few projects of my own to develop in 2013 and, thanks to Kirstie, I am invoking my inner Domestic Goddess and setting forth on a great creative adventure.  I know there are going to be challenges along the way but I'm looking forward to the journey, the things I'll learn and the people I'll meet on the way.

Want to come along?

Sometimes the hardest part of a creative adventure is the having the confidence to start.  Is there something you've always wanted to do but never had the confidence to try?  Relationship Training helps you develop the skills and tools you need to make your dreams come true.  Contact kim@relationshiptraining.co.uk or 07789 408378.