The gift of a lifetime.

Here's a Christmas gift for you.  Open it carefully, use it well and it will last forever.

Its what you've always wanted: the confidence to be yourself and to live a life full of love, creativity and connection.

The fastest route to finding yourself is to work on the hidden parts - the flaws you don't want the world to see. We use a lot of energy hiding this stuff from the world, energy that could be converted into something far more productive.

Anyone who pushes your buttons is actually offering you a great gift, you just need to know how to unwrap it.  You may rant about their behaviour but the deeper reason you judge or feel shame about them is because they're showing you a part of yourself you have hidden from the world.

Read the label.
Ask yourself what is the thing that annoys you most about them?  Perhaps you find them patronising or arrogant, maybe disorganised, needy or cold-hearted? Whatever it is that triggers you, narrow it down to one characteristic.

Guess what's inside.
Now focus on that characteristic and spend some time acting out your version of it.  Get to know it, walk around, make the tea, answer the phone in character - get a feel for the mannerisms and behaviour.

Undo the knot.
The reason we can't stand someone's behaviour is because they are a Shadow for us and they trigger deeply held feelings of self-hatred.  This emotion is corrosive and eats away at your courage, your confidence and your creativity. It stops your growth, blocks you from reaching your potential and also prevents you from handling the relationship effectively.

Being curious about your own personal process will unblock the energy and give you a way through. Ask this part of yourself: 'How were you once useful?'  'What job did you do for me in the past?'  'What was your original purpose?'

Take the wrapping off.
The characteristics we try to hide were created in the past.  We used them to help us survive a difficult time, when we felt vulnerable and unsupported. These shadows store unrefined, creative energy that can be put to better use, giving your life new meaning.

By doing this exercise these shadow parts can be turned into the fuel you need to drive your life in its true direction: What does this part of you need now?  How could you best use the quality and energy of this characteristic in your life? What new job could it do for you? What would this part of you rather do now?

For example, the Critic is often trying to protect us from shame and humiliation, its attention to detail and ability to spot flaws are skills that could be used in a more productive way. The Control Freak hates chaos and loves systems and processes, the Dreamer's perspective allows you to think outside the box.

Open up your presence.
A good way to dialogue with this part of yourself is to write to it then allow it to reply using your non-dominant hand. Give yourself some time and space to do this research; light a candle, use coloured pens, play gentle music  Enjoy it, its a lovely way to open up your creativity.

Share your gift.

Everyone's Present!

It takes a bit of practise to use this skill, but learning to re-assign the energy our Shadow figures is a powerful gift.  It unleashes creative flow and builds self-confidence.  It takes the charge out of difficult relationships and you can use it to see even the most stressful encounter as an opportunity to harvest and harness your energy differently.

By the way - the good stuff you see in others,  guess what?  You can only see it because it is also true of you.  Can you receive that gift too?

Don't keep yourself in the dark with your judgments this Christmas, use this exercise to illuminate your world and see that everyone around you is offering you the most amazing gift ever: You, on a really good day.

Have a bountiful Christmas.

Can't get past some big judgments?  Perhaps you need a bit of support to work through this process? Contact kim@relationshiptraining.co.uk or 07789 408378 -  don't stay in the dark, there is always a way through, we want you to SHINE!