Saturday, December 7, 2013

Don't Get Even - Get Happy

After 23 years of marriage, Samantha’s husband asked for a divorce.   Even though she had known they hadn't been happy for years, she was in a great deal of emotional pain and felt like she wanted to punish everyone around her.   She had even caught herself thinking about death and imagining herself dying of breast cancer as revenge.  

These thoughts scared her but as we explored them together she began to recognise that wanting to be ill was one way of trying to show others how hurt she was. She felt isolated and yet her pain and inner conflict made it hard for people to be around her. Their distance increased her feelings of pain and separation.  She felt her life was contracting.

Working together we did an emotional audit on her life and Samantha realized that the feelings of loss and rejection were much older than from just her divorce, she had often felt excluded and forgotten throughout her childhood and her deepest belief was that she was a failure. 

By working through the pain of the past and focusing on positive personal goals Samantha felt able to decide that rather than death being her best revenge, feeling successful, more wholehearted and learning to communicate her feelings more effectively would be a better outcome.

Samantha began her own healing journey and, as her confidence and self-worth grew, enrolled on a hairdressing course and now runs a successful salon. Whilst there is still some  emotional ‘scar tissue’ around her divorce, her relationship with her ex-husband is kinder, her children are less anxious around her and she recognizes that her life and relationships are improving as a result of choosing a goal that has helped her own personal growth and development.

Whether you are struggling to make sense of events - or are keen to make the most of your own change of heart - Relationship Training offers innovative and practical life skills coaching and courses to empower you to live your best life.

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