Sunday, February 5, 2012

Love Lines #5: love is the answer, whatever the question.

Your daily warm up for Valentine's Day

EMBRACE your relationship.
Relationship problems can feel overwhelming.  If something isn't working, it may be time to change the way you think about it.  Albert Einstein said: 'You cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it’. 
Our 7-step transformation model, EMBRACE, helps you address relationship issues by breaking them down into manageable steps.  

Day 5:  Here are some questions to ask yourself, the answers could surprise you!  Give yourself time to reflect on these questions and write the answers down.  Then ask yourself what 3 things could you easily change?  It might be to start a dialogue with your partner around how you feel, or a change in your behaviour, perhaps getting the help you need to address your own pain.  Like Albert says, changing the way you approach something can change your world.

How engaged are you in the relationship?  Have you already left by emotionally withdrawing?  Or by giving up all attempts to make things better?
How willing are you to see things differently.  Are you hanging on to a miserable situation because you are afraid of being alone?  Or is the situation miserable because you are afraid of intimacy?
Are you waiting for the other person to make the first move? Effective change requires a willingness to communicate.  Would you rather be right or be happy? How willing are you to build bridges? 
10% of the pain in a situation is to do with the present and 90% comes from our past.  What old event, relationship pattern or wound is surfacing here?  Where have you felt like this before?  Who, from your past, does your partner's behaviour remind you of?
How much time do you give to your own creative self-expression?  What are you expecting the relationship to give you?  How much responsibility do you take for your own sense of fulfillment and happiness? 
What do you feel about commitment?  What does that mean to you, to your partner?  What role model do you have for a successful relationship? 
What skills and tools do you need to help you learn and grow in your relationship?  How many times have you been here before?  What outcome would you like to have this time? What simple steps could you take to move toward that outcome?

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