We were on Module 4 of Family@Heart last night, entitled 'Can we talk?'. Last week we did 'I'm all ears' exploring the many different ways of listening - which set us up beautifully for this week's module on communication.
We did some amazing group exercises, working on places where relationships get stuck and there were many 'aha' moments as the evening unfolded.
All relationships get stuck, its what happens, but that's just the surface event. Discovering why and what to do about it requires a little more work and a bit of courage. The work is around understanding the hidden dynamics that are running and the courage is being willing to be the one to change things.
'Why do I have to be the one to do all the work in the relationship?' is a cry I often hear. My answer is always 'because you are the leader of the relationship'. Leadership in relationship doesn't mean being the boss or in control, it means being willing to learn and grow in order to lead the relationship to a better place.
Resolving a problem in a relationship has three stages.
1. Talk about it with the other person - if its sorted easily, job done.
2. If that just turns into another argument (the familiar dance of relationship death) then the next stage is to work on yourself. Not give yourself a hard time, or give up on yourself - but begin your own inner work on self-worth and confidence.
3. With greater confidence and understanding you will be equipped with tools to go back and communicate more effectively, plus you'll have more inner- strength and self-belief to handle any outcome.
One of the biggest 'aha' moments for the group last night was the realisation that when there is a problem the most powerful and effective route to resolution is to get to the deepest feeling - and when they did so they recognised that it was exactly how the other person is feeling too.
Learning how to do this is a group and practising the skills in a safe, supportive environment has really boosted their confidence and given them the courage to communicate at a whole new level. That's Leadership.
Next Family@Heart starting September. Join the revolution!