Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Fighting for Love
Couples don't have hundreds of arguments they just have the same argument hundreds of different ways. It can start with a silly domestic about the washing up or who put the empty milk carton back in the fridge and then suddenly, like a forest fire, get out of control, fanned by hurt and fuelled by any unresolved emotional litter lying between you.
A relationship heartbreak in the early days is like hairline fracture; it hurts but it doesn't stop you loving one another because you're powered by the passion and attraction of the 'Honeymoon' energy. However, when the relationship moves into the next phase of growth - the Power Struggle - the fracture makes itself felt. A stumble or falter in the relationship suddenly sparks the pain of that earlier hurt and you find yourself hurting twice over.
By the time you get to the next phase - the Dead Zone - the damage done by those unhealed injuries undermine the stability of the relationship and result in a catastrophic breakdown.
All relationships carry the burden of unresolved heartbreaks. Some will be from the relationship itself, many you will have brought from your past. Learning how to identify which is which and addressing the emotions you try to hide from yourself or your beloved is a vital practice for a healthy, strong relationship and will take you to the next level of relationship - Partnership.
You know that old joke '"How do you get to Carnegie Hall?" "Practice, Practice"'? Its the same for Partership. Practice in relationship means commitment to communication and learning how to talk about emotions. Practice doesn't make perfect, practice makes Love, so that when something imperfect surfaces it can be met with compassion and be healed.
Relationships are the breeding ground for pain and joy. It takes emotional courage, honesty and good communication skills to open up the subject of old hurt in a relationship and to work through all the phases of the issue. However in doing so you each get back something of yourself you'd lost all those years ago, and create space for greater love, partnership and intimacy.
So what are you really fighting for?
Need help working this out? Relationship Training helps you make sense of what is going on and gives you the tools you need to do something about it. Contact Kim for more details.