Stuck in a Relationship Rut?

When a client tells me they feel trapped in their relationship, stuck in a rut and ready to run, I ask them if they have spoken to their partner about how they feel?  "Oh no," they often reply "I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings."

There is no such thing as an unspoken thought.  If you are thinking negative thoughts about your partner, you will be communicating it with subtle and not-so-subtle signals. 7% of our communication is the spoken word - tone, gesture, body language and behaviour make up the rest.  "Actions speak louder than words"  my mother used to say - now I know she's right!  I also know that when a relationship is caught in the doldrums, learning to communicate about it is vital for its long-term health and success.  


Opening a conversation with: 'I need to talk about this, its probably going to come out wrong - not because I want to have a fight, but because I want to sort it out ....'  helps the other person stay with the topic because they understand you are trying to resolve something rather than blame them.  By communicating that you want to sort something out you indicate that you are not looking to fight but are seeking a better outcome.

Sometimes booking a time to meet and talk can help both you and your partner to feel prepared.  Meet for a coffee together, go for a drink or a walk, keep a timeframe – 20 minutes is a good start – long enough to open up the subject and not too long for other issues to get thrown in.

If your relationship is stuck and you are having negative thoughts - share them!  It will definitely stir things up.   If you want to re-kindle the spark and regain connection and intimacy, stay true to that goal as you talk things through, there could be fireworks ... and in a good way!