Saturday, April 14, 2012

What's your weapon of choice?

I have been working with clients and exploring the 'weapons' we use in relationship.  It can be playing the victim, insisting on being right,  starting a fight or even withdrawing rather than arguing.  

Whatever the weapon, and no matter how well we disguise it, it is something that prevents the wounds from healing and problems being resolved.  If your relationship is struggling you might ask yourself what weapon you are using to wound with - be honest!

If we don't address an issue we end up compromising or adjusting just to keep the peace.  But a compromise is only ever a short term solution and eventually the old issue will resurface somewhere else.  

Dr Gay Hendricks of The Hendricks Institute says there aren't hundreds of arguments in a relationship, but one argument hundreds of times - compromise just pushes the issue underground to resurface over and over again.

There is always a better way.
It is always much better to work toward resolution - a state where everyone wins.  To achieve this the communication needs to continue until everyone is happy with the outcome.  It takes courage, willingness and emotional maturity to achieve that goal - and the ability to acknowledge and surrender your weapons,  give up your version of the story and reach for a better outcome.

Why not also use this weekend to put down your weapons and sign a peace treaty in your relationship?  You could make the world a better place.

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