What's your weapon of choice?

I have been working with clients and exploring the 'weapons' we use in relationship.  It can be playing the victim, insisting on being right,  starting a fight or even withdrawing rather than arguing.  


Whatever the weapon, and no matter how well we disguise it, it is something that prevents the wounds from healing and problems being resolved.  If your relationship is struggling you might ask yourself what weapon you are using to wound with - be honest!


If we don't address an issue we end up compromising or adjusting just to keep the peace.  But a compromise is only ever a short term solution and eventually the old issue will resurface somewhere else.  


Dr Gay Hendricks of The Hendricks Institute says there aren't hundreds of arguments in a relationship, but one argument hundreds of times - compromise just pushes the issue underground to resurface over and over again.


There is always a better way.
It is always much better to work toward resolution - a state where everyone wins.  To achieve this the communication needs to continue until everyone is happy with the outcome.  It takes courage, willingness and emotional maturity to achieve that goal - and the ability to acknowledge and surrender your weapons,  give up your version of the story and reach for a better outcome.


Why not also use this weekend to put down your weapons and sign a peace treaty in your relationship?  You could make the world a better place.

Something for the weekend.

How to beat the winter blues.

The clocks go back this weekend – an event that coincides with my birthday and, this year, a planting spree in our garden.  I love the idea that the birthday present I am giving myself this year is a glorious spring and summer next year and happy times for the bees.  Daffodils, bluebells and snowdrops bulbs will be buried in the soil along with beautiful young plants around our newly dug pond and cleared flowerbeds.

This pattern of winter and summer, dark and light is an ancient – and important - part of our psyche.  In Greek mythology Demeter the goddess of earth, agriculture and fertility is associated with the seasons. Her daughter Persephone was abducted by Hades to be his wife in the underworld. In her anger at the loss of her daughter, Demeter laid a curse on the world that caused plants to wither and die. The land became desolate.  Zeus became alarmed and sought Persephone's return. However, because she had eaten while in the underworld Hades had a claim on her. Therefore, it was decreed that Persephone would spend four months each year in the underworld. During these months Demeter grieves her daughter’s absence and withdraws her gifts from the world, creating winter.  Demeter's delight in Persephone's return brings the Spring and an abundance of growth, celebration and – ultimately - harvest.

Planting new ideas for relationships. 

The same pattern occurs in relationships, we have those glorious Springs and the enjoyment of Summer – then something happens to create a distance and we slide into a cooler Autumn and can find ourselves stuck in never-ending Winter.  However if, when we notice the ‘cooling off’, we take a new approach and change our attitude,  plant new ideas, set new intentions, as we work through the darker phases of our relationships we can bring  a new lease of life to them.

If the thought of the long winter months ahead fill you with dread – plan for the spring.  Relationship Training will enable you to set yourself goals this winter that will change the way you view your world.

Happy Planting!

For real gardening guidance:  www.janetbligh.co.uk

Something for the weekend

I have been thinking all week about what a wonderful life means for me. I used to think it meant no problems, no upsets, a life free of conflict.  Now I realise that  is not the truth about life at all.  


A wonderful life is a life full of wonder.  "I wonder what I can learn from this?"  "I wonder how I can work through this for a better outcome?"


Life will always throw up challenges.  But what makes life wonderful is feeling connected.  


Having the right attitude when things change.

Knowing how to respond rather than react.


Recognizing when you've disengaged and withdrawn.


Understanding how you feel and being able to communicate about it.


All of these increase your ability to connect with another.  Having the tools to help you respond to challenges and meet them with commitment and confidence enable you to build connection.  


Those same tools will your deepen your appreciation, enjoyment and gratitude when things are great, too, thus sustaining your wonderful life.


Here's to a great, no, WONDERFUL weekend.