Women are the leaders of the new world order.

There, I've said it.  I've told you what I really think.  No big surprise for anyone who knows me, I am not known for 'being backwards in coming forwards' (as my mother would say),  but I have been a bit timid about putting it in writing. 

Why?  Because I was worried that I might be misunderstood, like I was trying to bash men, or start a revolution or something and, tempting as it feels at times, I know both activities would be a complete waste of energy and resources.  Anyway, I tried them and it didn't work,  My apologies to the people who still bear the scars.

I believe women are born leaders and are transformational leaders of relationship.  The time has come for them to take their place and lead the new world order - into true partnership.  Business guru Seth Godin's blog 'Denying facts you don't like' says that 'transformational leaders don't start by denying the world around them.  Instead, they describe a future they want to create.'  Women intuitively know what a successful relationship should feel like and understand the value of communication. They are often the first to recognise when something is wrong in a relationship and look to do something about it.  

However, if they are not particularly confident or skilled at starting a dialogue with their partner or don't believe in themselves enough to articulate the importance of working on a relationship together then, when faced with their partner's denial or rejection, they often lose courage and give up on themselves or on the relationship.  And miss their opportunity to lead the relationship to a new level.

A call to Loving Arms. 

Women are equipped physically, hormonally, neurologically to nurture, to empathize and to build community. Female brains, hearts and bodies have the right neurons, hormones and infastructure to enable them to do what comes naturally: build relationship and create community.  Research has even shown that supporting and strengthening women to grow in confidence and self-worth is the most effective path to creating lasting change and stability within society. 

My personal research and training, plus the inspirational clients I work with, have shown me how much true intelligence and wisdom there is in a woman's ability to feel.  In a world that has lost heart this is a powerful, precious - and life saving - resource.  

In the Huffington Post, researcher and author (and definitely a 'leader of the new world order'), Dr Brene Brown states that 'who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger indicators of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.' Therefore, if we want our children to feel equipped to handle the highs and lows they will encounter in life, we must learn to model resilience, emotional intelligence and be willing to be vulnerable.

If we want our children to achieve success in their lives as adults, as parents and life partners we must demonstrate the courage, commitment and mature communication skills needed to process the feelings and emotions we experience.  For the next generation to reach their potential we must show them how to become leaders of their lives by being the leaders in our own, rather than letting life lead us.

  

So many times, when encouraged to take the lead and address the issues in their relationship, I hear women say, 'but, why do I have to do all the work?  Why can't he be the one to take the lead?'  Because most men haven't got a clue.  Their feminine qualities have been suppressed, denied and devalued.  They haven't been shown how to work with them effectively.  As women reclaim and ignite their innate feminine gifts of relationship and show men how to communicate, truly communicate, with the intention of resolving differences not just circulating blame and criticism, men will learn to trust communication as a vehicle for good, rather than a method for scoring points.

Calling all Women. 
Have you been in denial about your true gifts? Are you holding back, worried what people might say if you start living your real life?  Another LOTNWO, Marianne Williamson, famously wrote 'your playing small does not serve the world.  You were born to shine, as children do'.  She wrote that for everyone, but it is also a wake-up call for women.  Of course we want our children to shine, so let's show them how.

Women have what it takes to lead their loved ones, their family, colleagues and friends to a new level of relationship. Their hearts will tell them what is working and what is not but due to habit, conditioning or lack of confidence, they often hand the responsibility for solving the problems over to the men. 

By all means give your man your heart, just don't give him the keys and put him in the driving seat; he won't know where he's going, he wont admit when he's lost and certainly won't ask for directions!

True partnership is created when each partner understands their worth and their value - and shares it.  It is time to take your true place as a leader in your life and in the world and to bring relationships to a new level.  Trust your intuition, listen to your heart, reclaim the abundance of feminine gifts you have within you.  As each woman reclaims her place in the world as a transformational leader, it gives others permission to do the same and, together, we really can make the world a better place.

Courage is what it takes, a word that comes from the French for heart, so let's take heart and make a small step in emotional evolution - and a giant leap for all mankind.

Don't let life lead you up the wrong path, to make positive changes and reclaim your leadership contact Kim on kim@relationshiptraining.co.uk or 07789 408378.

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I met Loving Wisdom on the street corner.

I didn't set out that morning to have a sacred encounter.  When I bumped into my son's friend I didn't say to myself 'here's my chance for a spiritual experience'.   I was just touched that he had taken the time to chat to me and share his news.  He was funny, engaging, sweet natured and full of exciting news about the next stage of his life.  As I walked away from the encounter - on my way to meet a friend for a coffee -  I became aware of the feelings in my heart, not the words in my head, and felt a mixture of gratitude, love and appreciation for that moment and for him. As I sat down with my friend I commented on how lovely that moment had been.

Weeks later we were all stunned and devastated by the news of his death. Suddenly I understood something at a deep level;  there had been something so fine and tender for me in that casual chat on a street corner and I realised our last meeting had been a sacred encounter.

One of my teachers says that in any conversation there is really only one thing happening: Loving Wisdom wanting to connect with Loving Wisdom.  The place where we connect with each other is also where we are the most vulnerable.  Author and empathy researcher, Dr Brene Brown talks about the vulnerability paradox: its the first thing we want to see in another but the last thing we want others to see in us.  Yet everyone of us, at the deepest level, is seeking connection, in fact we're wired for it. It is our Loving Wisdom.

So many of our conversations, however, keep us from connecting with each other.  Most of the time we are just trying to get our needs met, assert our authority, defend our position or we're so disengaged we're just operating on automatic.  Rarely are we able to be fully present and appreciate the deep opportunity we are being given.

That young man's gift to me was a gentle and profound reminder of the real experience of relationship. Its easy to forget that state of awareness when bogged down in everyday life and responsibilities - but the moment I think about him and the beauty in our last meeting,  I feel my heart opening again and suddenly everything changes.  Bittersweet emotions flood my mind and 'the inarticulate speech of the heart', as Van Morrison so aptly named it, shifts my perception of the world and fills me with the courage to take a step in life where previously I had felt fear.

A Course In Miracles,  a self-study system in 'spiritual psychology', teaches that the journey through life is one of unlearning.  Unlearning and dismantling the defences we build around our heart.  Relationships - the very place where we yearn for a connection heart to heart - are also where we learn to shut our hearts down.  They also provide the greatest training ground for our unlearning.  Painful, vulnerable experiences in childhood teach us to close our hearts because it hurts too much when we are open.  But if we want to experience good feelings, we have to open our hearts again, be willing to connect with others and be vulnerable.  We have to unlearn the closing down and treat vulnerability with compassion, understanding and empathy.

Opening your heart doesn't mean 'get happy' it means become vulnerable, drop your defences and allow life to mean something again.  And by allowing life to mean something, you start living a more meaningful life and regain a happy connection with your Loving Wisdom.

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.   

Ralph Waldo Emerson