How to make your bed!

A few years ago, whilst we watched our children play in a park, I chatted with a friend about home life and the levels of chaos we could cope with.  I said a hectic family life felt manageable if my kitchen was clean and tidy, a messy kitchen didn't bother my friend, to cope she needed an orderly bedroom.

It sounds silly, but I was distinctly unsettled by this.  How she could cope coming back to a messy kitchen and have to get a meal ready?  Or be at home and be able to get on with anything knowing there were dishes in the sink? She just commented that an unmade bed unsettled her more than a messy kitchen.

We all have our different triggers - the things that set of alarm bells of stress and anxiety.  For me a messy kitchen can make me feel overwhelmed and unable to cope. For my friend an unmade bed left her feeling ungrounded and unsettled.  However, for all of us the real solution is to develop a practise that gives us the skills to handle whatever life offers us. Karen Maezen Miller, a Zen Buddhist priest and author, is also a wife, mother and home-maker.  I love her 10 tips for a Mindful Home - simple but powerful guidelines for making any space you are in sacred - and home.

10 tips for a Mindful Home


Wake with the sun
There is no purer light than what we see when we open our eyes first thing in the morning.

Sit
Mindfulness without meditation is just a word.

Make your bed
The state of your bed is the state of your head.  Enfold your day in dignity.

Empty the hampers
Do the laundry without resentment or commentary and have an intimate encounter with the very fabric of life.

Wash your bowl
Rinse away self-importance and clean up your own mess.  If you leave it undone, it will get sticky.

Set a timer
If you're distracted by the weight of what's undone, set a kitchen timer and, like a monk in a monastery, devote yourself wholeheartedly to the task at hand until the bell rings.

Rake the leaves
Rake, weed or sweep.  You'll never finish for good, but you'll learn the point of pointlessness.

Eat when hungry
Align your inexhaustible desires with the one true appetite.

Let the darkness come
Set a curfew on the internet and TV and discover the natural balance between daylight and darkness, work and rest.

Sleep when tired
Nothing more to it.

Life's becoming emotional

Do you ever convince yourself on the outside that something isn't a big deal, but on the inside it's a whole other story?  Bubbling away behind the scenes is a vat of emotion. You think you're keeping it well hidden, but occasionally a waft of resentment, hurt or anger escapes and everyone asks 'where did that come from?'

Where do our emotions go if we don't express them?  Unprocessed feelings are dumped in a kind of emotional landfill and become, like any landfill, hazardous to our environment.  We become difficult to be around, giving off bad vibes and harming the people we care about.  

If we have no relationship with our feelings, we have no idea how our behaviour affects others - and we have no idea how others are feeling.  All we know is that something isn't right and we feel disconnected.  

I see many relationships breakdown as a result of this kind of problem; neither party wants to really acknowledge their emotions or their behaviour and, unwilling to address the root cause, the relationship begins a downward spiral of blame and criticism.  The very thing that was built from love becomes a dangerous environment where revealing your feelings makes you vulnerable and open to attack.

Our emotions are the interface between the outer world and our deepest self.   Created from our experiences, forged by our thoughts and beliefs, they drive our behaviour and communication.  Emotions are the lifeblood of relationships and if we switch off from the bad stuff, we can't feel the good stuff.  We need to become conscious of the painful emotions and learn to process them differently in order to access a priceless resource which builds authentic, healthy, sustainable connection to others: Love.  

Getting to know your feelings and how they run your world builds emotional intelligence and has many benefits; reduced stress, improved well-being, greater levels of trust and connection in relationships but, most of all, we get to feel joyous again.  

How to avoid going Christmas Crackers - Daily tips for staying sane in the run up to Christmas.

Tip No. 10

With just a few days to go the ‘to do’ list starts growing in direct proportion to the amount of time is running out: tension is building.  

Time to get in the mood.  Play your favourite Christmas songs and sing your heart out.  Give it your all.   

Dr. Gottfried Schlaug, associate professor of neurology at Harvard University says about singing. "There's rarely any other activity that is experienced as being joyous and can really activate or engage so many regions of the brain ."  

So not only will it get you in the Christmas mood, it stimulates the brain and increases your levels of joy.  

Hallelulia!

The secret to happiness.

In my experience most people are unhappy not because of their relationships but because they are living a disconnected life. The unhappiness shows up in relationships because that's where we experience the distance, but the source of discontent is much deeper.  We are unhappy because we are disconnected from our true nature and are not fulfilling our purpose.  We have no vision.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? Mary Oliver

As human beings we all share one purpose: to be happy. If we're not happy that leads us to our second purpose; to heal the source of our unhappiness.  The by-product of healing emotional wounds and limiting self-concepts is the happiness of feeling confident to express yourself more authentically and able to share your unique gifts and talents with the world.

Blended to resonate with your creative vision

Everyone has a vision - you may not recognise it, you may not have given it that name, but you have one. The best way to know if you are on track with your vision is to check-in with how happy you are.

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart.  Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside awakens. Carl Jung

A Vision is a dream that builds the path to your highest potential. It is precious, fragile, a quiet whisper of the spirit, and deserves to be honoured.

To manifest your vision means dropping old defences and giving up trying to do things alone. Whether we are motivated to follow our dream through desperation or inspiration, it is a vulnerable process and we could all do with support and friendship along the way.

Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements. Napoleon Hill

To help people anchor their vision I take them through a coaching process and then, using my skills as an aromatherapist, we build the right combination of essential oils needed to create a personal Vision Oil.  Each blend is made to suit the individual. The essential oils access the limbic region of the brain, associated with the fight or flight response, and work to soothe anxiety and stress and remove the inner blocks that prevent the flow of ideas and creative action.

These organic, hand-blended oils are absorbed physically through the skin and aromatically via the in-breath, working gently on the emotional body. The essential oils are complex, multi-layered and aromatic, their therapeutic aromas ease emotional stress and make room for creative vision to flourish.  They can be used during visualisations, meditation or simply put in the bath or applied to the body.

They are chosen to resonate with your creative vision, allowing the deepest part of your mind to move away from fear and remember the true meaning of your 'wild and precious life'.

And they are made with love.

If you are ready to achieve your Dream, book a Vision Coaching session and get your own personal Vision Oil Blend FREE! Contact: kim@relationshiptraining.co.uk or 07789 408378.  Skype sessions available.

EMBRACE your Life

Engage your heart: feel inspired & motivated again

Meet at a new level of relationship: self-awareness is key to successful relationships

Bridge misunderstanding through communication: effective communication resolves conflict

Release your hold on the past: your old stories hold you back from your true self

Align with your purpose: discover who you have come to be and what you have come to do

Commit to your best self and to the best in others: develop a daily personal practise

Evolve spiritually and emotionally: to live a meaningful life, give everything meaning.

If you would like to learn more about the transformational EMBRACE course, contact us for more details: info@relationshiptraining.co.uk   or 07789 408378

A Wonderful Life

Misunderstandings, unresolved arguments, resentment and old hurts can affect your well-being and prevent you living wholeheartedly.  It takes two to continue a cycle of blame and criticism, but only one to break it.


Choosing to heal conflict communicates your willingness to have a wonderful life.  Discover simples techniques to end the disagreements so that happiness, success and well-being can flow again.


Isn't it time to live your Wonderful Life?

October Workshop    A Wonderful Life 

Saturday, October 8th, 2011.  10am - 5.pm.  £50

For details contact Kim on 07789 408378 or kim@relationshiptraining.co.uk

Minding Yourself

Calmer Karma

I am always interested in new methods to develop awareness of the inner state and of being centred, so I signed up to refresh my Mindfulness Meditation practice.

Mindfulness Meditation is drawn from the Buddhist practice of awareness of the breath and is very successful in helping people to manage chronic pain. It is also used to help manage anxiety, depression and high levels of stress. I did a Mindfulness course many years ago when I was really struggling in my life; it helped me create a quiet inner space to think more clearly and make wise decisions.

On this course we meet every week for 2 hours to learn new techniques and share our progress and challenges. The facilitator’s instruction from the beginning has been very simple: ‘do the homework’ (45 mins meditation every day). 

 “You don’t have to like it or even be any good at it. You don’t have to experience any difference or benefit, just do it”

So I have. I have been doing the mindfulness practise either using the Body Scan (where you check in to your body from the toes to the top of the head), a seated guided meditation or moving/yoga meditation for 45 minutes everyday – plus using little mini-sessions throughout the day to ‘anchor’ my awareness. It has been amazing. I feel like my inner world has been spring-cleaned – there is just more space in here and when things get stressed I can draw on the most powerful resource to support me – the breath! 

 As a result I am more aware of my thoughts and, because of that awareness, have more choice about how I relate to them. Its like I've sorted out my inner filing system: there is more clarity and things are easier to access.

I was telling a colleague about my experience with the practice and he described it as getting ‘calmer karma’. He’s right, although Mindfulness is not about becoming calm or relaxed, they can be great by-products of the practise. And the calmer I feel, the calmer things are around me. Calmer Karma!

www.bemindful.co.uk


Check out the BBC report on Mindfulness Meditiation http://bbc.in/zWZeJ3

How to be happy.

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha

Action for Happiness  is a movement that wants to help people to profoundly change the way they live their lives; here are their ten keys to happier living.

The first five relate to how we interact with the outside world in our daily activities:

Giving: Do things for others

Relating: Connect with others

Exercising: Take care of your body

Appreciating: Notice the world around you

Trying out: Keep learning new things

The second five come more from inside us and depend on our attitude to life:

Direction: Have goals to look forward to

Resilience: Find ways to bounce back

Emotion: Take a positive approach

Acceptance: Be comfortable with who you are

Meaning: Be part of something bigger.

Need help removing the blocks to your natural state of happiness? Relationship Training offers coaching and workshops to help you achieve your very own Great Dream.

5 Habits of Happy People

Happy People ....

1. Strive towards the best expression of their own unique talents and skills.

2. Design their life to live in joy rather than duty and sacrifice.

3. Avoid 'if only' fantasies and set forward looking goals.

4. Invest in and recognise the value of relationships.

5. Allow feelings of happiness to be fully experienced and express their gratitude.

Gabrielle Le Blanc

Would you rather be right or be happy?

Workshop, 12th March 2011.

See website for details.