Showing posts with label leadership. Show all posts
Showing posts with label leadership. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

There's a word for that...

My word for 2015 is COMMITMENT - I got fed up with resolutions, I made too many, couldn't remember what they were and lost the list anyway.

Having one word is much easier.

Last year my word was CREATIVITY and I had a blast with it.   Not only did I sew, draw, knit, crochet and paint furniture, I also practised new ways to approach familiar situations and behaviours - looking for a better, more creative way to handle life's challenges.

This year using COMMITMENT as my guiding principle is helping to ground much of what I learned.


Last year I had so many creative projects on the go they colonised the bedrooms and it would take me hours to clear up my stuff to make room for visitors. So in January COMMITMENT saw me gathering my stuff and moving it all into one designated room.  My husband generously offered me his study and I created a lovely office space for him on the upstairs landing (nicer than it sounds, honest).  The spare bedroom is now ready for visitors at a moments notice, I have a perfect space to work in and everything has its rightful place.

February's COMMITMENT was to unfinished business.  All the half finished projects from last year got put on a list and I slowly worked my way through them.  Not just the pyjamas I hadn't finished sewing, or the blanket/quilt/baby hat I was still working on, I made a concerted effort to listen very consciously to the voice inside my head that nags me about stuff I have or haven't done, or berates me about situations or relationships that need attention.  Again, I wrote them down and slowly worked my way through them.... okay some didn't get addressed right away, but I am much clearer about them; I now know what I have to do and have set myself some deadlines.

March's COMMITMENT is to a fresh start. The house is clean, the cupboards sorted, the charity shop donated to.  With the longer days I go for a lovely morning run with the dog through woodlands and a water meadow.  Each time my heart is filled with such gratitude not only that I am surrounded by glorious countryside, but that my body is still able to move with relative ease and that I can start each day with health giving habits.

April's COMMITMENT will see the start of me Making Wednesdays Matter and establishing a more focussed approach to the things I want to achieve in 2015. We've a busy year ahead - loads of family weddings, a little granddaughter to delight in; projects in the house and at work that we want to get on with and I know that creating focus will help things to run smoothly.

I have no idea what the rest of the year will look like but I do know that using COMMITMENT as my lens I am learning to see things differently and create successful outcomes with much greater ease.

6 easy steps to Commitment

     
  • Make some noise. Write down what you would love to achieve this year and tell someone. There's something about saying it out loud and having someone witness it that helps the process. Your projects could all be fun but make at least one something you know is going to be a challenge but will make life easier in the long run.  Here are just some on my list:  sew a dressing gown, learn to knit fair isle and socks (not necessarily at the same time), put the decades of photos into albums, move the garden shed...
  • Be Self-Centred.  The first stage is to commit to yourself first - to make your own success and happiness matter too. This has to be something that is important to you and not done to please others or to keep the peace.   If you find yourself fighting the process - stop, go back and check if the outcomes are really what you want. 
  • Fire up your neurons.  We are natural problem solvers and asking yourself the right kind of question  activates the mind's own search engine.  Questions like 'what would commitment to this task look like?' will fire up those brain cells and you'll soon be coming up with creative solutions. 
  • Make a cup of tea.  The unconscious Creative Mind works in images and metaphor and is a powerful driver of your behaviour.   Help harness this resource by gathering images that help you see what the finished outcome will look like.  So gather up some magazines, make a cup of tea and leaf through the pictures - its all 'research'.  Whilst Pinterest is amazing - having a note book, vision board or even a box with a pile of ripped out pictures as physical reference helps to anchor the process and harness the power of your Creative Mind.
  • Beware the Kiss of Death.  Two things act as a Kiss of Death to Commitment: guilt that you're not achieving your goal and fear that you will lose your freedom if you do.  Make your goals realistic and achievable, keep checking in with yourself: are these ideas/goals/dreams important to you? If so keep asking yourself what commitment looks like - and give yourself time to listen in, the answers will come.  
  • Phone a friend.  Sometimes its good to talk things through when you get stuck. Its good to remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but of leadership - it communicates that you want to lead your life.  If you don't have someone to call on who wants you to achieve your goals  - put it on the list!  And give me a call :)



Thursday, July 3, 2014

Who is leading your relationship? And is it going in the right direction?

We were on Module 4 of Family@Heart last night, entitled 'Can we talk?'.  Last week we did 'I'm all ears' exploring the many different ways of listening - which set us up beautifully for this week's module on communication.

We did some amazing group exercises, working on places where relationships get stuck and there were many 'aha' moments as the evening unfolded.

All relationships get stuck, its what happens, but that's just the surface event.  Discovering why and what to do about it requires a little more work and a bit of courage.  The work is around understanding the hidden dynamics that are running and the courage is being willing to be the one to change things.

'Why do I have to be the one to do all the work in the relationship?' is a cry I often hear.  My answer is always 'because you are the leader of the relationship'.  Leadership in relationship doesn't mean being the boss or in control, it means being willing to learn and grow in order to lead the relationship to a better place.

Resolving a problem in a relationship has three stages.

1.  Talk about it with the other person - if its sorted easily, job done.

2. If that just turns into another argument (the familiar dance of relationship death) then the next stage is to work on yourself.  Not give yourself a hard time, or give up on yourself - but begin your own inner work on self-worth and confidence.

3. With greater confidence and understanding you will be equipped with tools to go back and communicate more effectively, plus you'll have more inner- strength and self-belief to handle any outcome.

One of the biggest 'aha' moments for the group last night was the realisation that when there is a problem the most powerful and effective route to resolution is to get to the deepest feeling - and when they did so they recognised that it was exactly how the other person is feeling too.

Learning how to do this is a group and practising the skills in a safe, supportive environment has really boosted their confidence and given them the courage to communicate at a whole new level.  That's Leadership.

Next Family@Heart starting September.  Join the revolution!